Sorry posting has been a bit light around here. The last couple of weeks have been a bit challenging.
The other day when I was waiting for a doctor's appointment the voices of the people around me grated on my nerves and I reached this point where I just wanted to lash out at everybody. I was supposed to go to a women's meditation at Hamsa after my appointment and I almost cancelled, but I think I kind of knew I needed to go.
The topic for the evening was anger and I just laughed at myself because I had anger within me boiling over.
Some of the anger was self-directed at my own failings, while a lot of it was because a very dear friend of mine has cancer.
In the past I was really bad about snapping at people and hurting others with my anger. Over the years I learned to release that anger in safer saner ways, but this past week I ate my anger until it was about to be directed at people who didn't deserve it.
The group meditation gave me a safe place to feel my anger, draw some power from it and to release it. Anger is not a negative emotion. It is a part of who we are and what we feel, but it is how we direct our anger that can make it into something negative.
As women we are told in so many subtle ways that we aren't allowed to be angry. Often my anger comes out in the form of tears, which makes me look weak. If I say something in an angry tone (without raising my voice) I'm seen as a bitch. I'm kind of sick of it.
It's ok to be angry. It's ok to feel these feelings of rage. For your sake and for the sake of the people around you I recommend you find a safe way to channel those feelings.
Today for me that means expressing my anger, meditating, journaling, giving voice to my pain and learning to draw power from my anger. That works, well, most of the time!