A little over a month ago I decided it was time to start dating. So one whiskey infused evening I posted my profile on OKCupid. I am a relative dating novice. Most of my adult life was spent in relationships and so thankfully my friends have been extremely helpful while I try to navigate the dating world.
I had a coffee date with a gentleman and, along with a case of nerves, I felt those hopeful little butterflies. He would text and call occasionally but he never invited me out on a date. In fact after coffee I pretty much thought he wasn't interested. He left town for the holidays and called when he got back. I invited him to a dinner party at my house and he said he had other plans but he would stop by. He sent me a text the next day saying sorry and I responded with 'no worries'.
That would be when my friend Kristin stepped in and reminded me that I would never let a friend treat me that way. I deserve way more respect and she was right. I've been viewing myself through a distorted lens and thinking that I was too difficult and way too independent. I've been trying to be easy going to the point where I was becoming a door mat.
I do deserve someone who respects me enough to show up when they say they are going to and to show up on time. I'm not difficult, but what I am is smart, sarcastic, driven and adventurous. There is going to be someone out there who will appreciate those traits.
Along with dating anxiety I've been feeling a bit run down for the last couple of weeks for two reasons. The first is simply because I forgot to take my vitamins, which causes big problems for me because I run out of vitamin d pretty quickly.
My vitamin d deficiency symptoms mimic depression, which can be confusing. Especially since life has been full of so many fabulous things lately. If I could I would be mainlining vitamin d (which would basically be like streaming sunshine into your veins), but since I can't I'll just take my vitamins.
Another reason I wore myself to a nub is because I've been spending time with people. People are great, but I haven't had any down time. When I don't have my alone time I start to get anxious, I want to push people away, I nap at the drop of a hat and I want to curl up into a little ball and never come out.
I need to be better at putting down time on my calendar. I'm not very pleasant company when I haven't had some time alone because basically I want you to go away.
To recap I am going to expect a man to respect me, take my vitamins and hibernate a little more.